I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
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