Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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