Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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