Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Randomize
