She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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