yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
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