Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
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