On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Randomize