i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
