I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Randomize
