did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
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