Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
