If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize
