I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
