Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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