he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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