i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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