it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
