Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Randomize
