My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
