I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
