im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
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