WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
