So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Randomize
