She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
