The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Randomize
