They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
I wish I only lived at night.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
my liver is dry heaving
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
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