Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
