I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
