i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
