Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
