i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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