If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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