I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize