you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
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