They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
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