Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
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