i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
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