the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
