So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Randomize
