ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
