I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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