Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Sorry my hands just texted you
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Randomize
