New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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