i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Randomize
