I wanna passion pit in your ass
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
