My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
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