so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
