I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Just cropdusted the office
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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