there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
