I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
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