Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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