I want to have your abortion
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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