Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Randomize
