PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
