Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
