I got chris browned last night
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
