she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
