Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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