you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
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