took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
i think im in europe. pls send help
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
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