Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
