He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
