We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Randomize
