I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
