Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Randomize