Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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