im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
she pinky promised me she was 18
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Such a big mess for such a small penis
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
