OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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