It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Randomize
