sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
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