I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize