new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
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