Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
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