So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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