Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
