yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Randomize
