did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Randomize
