So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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