the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Randomize
