this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
i drank out of a bidet.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
