It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
