so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
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