4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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