worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
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