Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
You can't just leave with hair like that
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Randomize
