It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
Randomize
