didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
