i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Randomize
