stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
