I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
